0:00 The reason I was talking about this office is, and this guy I was going to tell you the story about is this guy would do this thing that had a name to it. It's called rounding. Like like the word round, like go around. I you know, he learned this at some management conference. I don't know, he learned this thing somewhere.

0:17 So every morning he'd go around and he'd do this thing called rounding. He'd like basically go, go inspect the troops and make his presence. Oh, rounding. Like what? Doctors do it, right? You're saying you're doing your rounds, getting the the diff from the night shift and blah, blah, blah. Hey, now I'm with you. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

0:36 Yeah. And scare, which is great. Down this, down this strip. So he had his office and there was a strip of cubes. And in this cube was all women. And they were, their assistance to these guys that were project managers. So they were project assistants, which is a way to say secretary, but specific for constructor.

0:53 Project writer. Sure. And so there are many assistants working for project managers. Okay. So all these project assistants were basically data entry stuff about the project, helping with all the details here. And the project manager would make the big was almost always a guy I think was all. It was more traditional set here. Sure. And they were all architects and engineers and type things.

1:14 And then they'd have like their secretaries, which are the. Anyway, this guy was a man, older gentleman. He'd flow around and do his rounding and he'd go up to each one of these desks, and all these women would laugh at everything he says, oh my God. So the group, he'd come in, these people would not be like this.

1:29 Normally you talk to him in the break room. Completely normal. People like conversation were having right now, right. But he comes by in the morning and they're like, oh, hey, how are you? And they're all at Twitter as yeah, that's better. But yeah, they're they're there. Yeah, they're they're all E-girls right. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just reacting to his masculinity and his title.

1:52 Right. He was he had a high lofted title in the area and they all he was, he was literally their boss. Okay. Or or their boss's boss man. Okay. And so he would do his rounding and, and every time he was like eight of them on this side, eight on that side. So go down and hear him down the line.

2:10 It's like like yeah. Like little, you know, in high pitched high pitched laughs and yeah, it's almost like it was a private cage you know. And he's getting charged up by this too like right. He's getting like yeah. You know by the time he gets to the hall at the end of the hall he's like his head's about seven, seven points bigger.

2:30 Yeah. And he's got all this testosterone flowing. He's still like the man. And so, you know, here is a picture. Oh yeah. And so I at the time was like very valuable employee. And I knew it like there's no way I was the things I was doing was so valuable to, to their objective. Like I wasn't replaceable and I and I knew it.

2:50 So that group that changed the group dynamic as well. So he'd come around, right? He'd come to our side. And as he was coming down, I turned my friend John. I'd be like, oh, I hear to Henze or all Kaplan again, right? Yeah. So no, he's coming because we hear. Yeah. And so he'd come over and I said, oh, I hear all the cackling hens over there.

3:06 I call it out. I was like, it's this whole is this whole director, whatever the title is, you know, it doesn't work out for you. There's always the comedy circuit. Apparently. You're hilarious, right? You don't think you're the funniest guy in the freaking planet when I can hear you coming a mile away. No. Damn. You know, so I'm like, hardcore calling out, and he's soaking it.

3:24 He's like, yeah. He's like funny. He's like. He's basically like a hair behind me. It was that. But but also like, he, he was he totally caught the vibe of like he totally knew that they were just laughing at anything he said because he was the boss. Right, right, right, right. And and so he, like, looked down on them even though it boosted him up because he knows that they're just being sycophants.

3:50 They're just what it was. They're giving him a collective Rim job. And so when he was in the dynamic with them, he was playing the part of like, you know, trying to be funny and they're laughing. And then he comes over to us and we're these like engineers and we're nerdy and stuff like that. And for me, I didn't need to have a filter because I was like, I'm not going to fire me, right?

4:07 And so I'm like, bro. Talking to him. I was like, oh, I see a cackling hens over. And he just code switched into bro talking and totally coached and being a and he was probably being a little self-deprecating and kind of picking on himself a little bit. Right? Yeah. And then, you know, he, he sort of said and then we had this like little bro kind of talk.

4:25 And then you go down the line and there was a couple of ladies that worked in our thing and you know that, right. And then we would start laughing. We hear the laughing, then we'd start laughing. So there's like layers of this dynamic, right. Switching dynamics very meta on, you know, everybody saw different things and had different views on it.

4:43 So dude has an IT problem at his house, but I like serious, needs some help with some shit. I teach it at his house and so he invites me over for dinner or whatever. And I meet his wife, and his wife is like, his wife is crazy. Like, I mean, ragging on him like he'd never believe. Like the wife is like basically saying, this guy is a painted clown.

5:04 Like, right, like a silver clown. He's an old guy with white hair. The wife is just like ragging him top dragging him top, bottom. Right. And, Wow. Like, never saw that coming. And then the dude was like, he might he likes then going through the hen house. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. He's got to get his ego boost.

5:26 And, the, the layers of the dynamics are credible. So I'm sitting here and now I'm the, I'm the, the brilliant IT guy that's solving problems for him. And he is the boss wife is the boss. So so there's like two like the wife and I now are like way tiers on the hierarchy above him. And he's playing that role.

5:48 He switches into that totally. Yeah. And is like, is there anything I could do for you, Bubba bot? Like, just the guy's my boss during the day, you know, like I'm his. I'm some like his boss at night. His a one. Sorry I solve his IT problems and it's like really works out really well for him. And then the next day we're back in the office and like, I'm reporting to him for my review.

6:08 Sure. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck? All these, like, weird code switching, you know. Yeah. And roll switching. Yeah. You've got to slide into this and that. Like, none of that happened yesterday. And I was like the guy that was at the house. So he was all taking the, the, the rib jabbing from the wife, like, enshrined with, with a totally fun.

6:26 They had this fun dynamic about it. It wasn't like she wasn't really the boss boss. It was like this constant rib jab and that's that was the relationship. It's very healthy actually. Cool, right? And sitting with this guy and solving this IT problem was like really fun. Yeah. Because you, you you humanized yourself and you you probably elevated your status at work through the personal connection.

6:46 But that's the thing is that that was the weird thing is it didn't really do that. Oh it didn't. Yeah. It was like a switch those dynamics from work to home to out to. Yeah, to the introverted ness they want to have in that moment. They're going to continually switch the mix to fit whatever narrative or energies are around them.

7:07 Sure. You know, like it's I was I was a manager at a vet hospital for a while, and I was the practice manager there, and I would continuously have to and like I said, my my Chisholm helped me, but I would continuously have to like I was working with some older people. I was working with some 20 year olds.

7:26 I was working with an older Indian man. Oh yeah, he was our doctor. And so, like, I would have to consistently switch around how I was talking to certain people because, you know, the older man is not going to be, like, receptive in the same way as the younger woman, especially the older man was shades of misogyny.

7:47 Yeah. I mean, I made sure that my Indian doctor feels appreciated and big and happy and like, he's the best. I got to make sure that these 20 year olds stop giggling and doing their job like I. But you got to do it in such a way where you've insinuated yourself into the group. You'd gained some status in some way to.

8:06 Yeah. So I wonder that you I never really thought about this. Is that would you think that that women have a much greater demand on their vote for. I think they met. I really think so. When it has to constantly sit there and pander to what society believes that women are supposed to do, you guys pander to it.

8:29 You have to perpetuate. But it's actually but there's so many different versions of what society thinks women should be. So like if there's one girl sitting with a group of guys, these guys are going to expect this woman to have a great sense of humor. They're going to expect her to not get offended. They're to be like, be able to joke and hang out and, you know, be like one of the guys.

8:50 But this woman is with this group of guys. They're like, okay, why are you talking? You know, like it's you're supposed to be and why aren't you supposed to be there? I did a quick story that reinforces that. But also not being you have to be able to switch that mode because for in certain times in your life, if you don't switch, it could be very dangerous for you as a woman.

9:12 So you can come off like the guy at the gas station calls you beautiful. You know, like you can come off and be like you, you know, like, but that's not you down the highway. Yeah. Now he's following you down the highway, knows where you live and has your first born in his hand. You know, like it's. Yeah.

9:28 So you have to be like, oh thank you. So no thank you. But thank we're talking adaptability. Resilience I've been absolutely have the ability to date. So that's more in the situations like the dynamic they talk in recovery when you're offended or hit because you've got to be quick to adapt to recover. Like when that guy does say this insulting comment to you at the gas station, you're going to be like, oh no, I'm in recover.

9:57 So, so just by being a woman, there's an added layer situational awareness, demand for situational awareness. There we go. Special settings. Exactly. And that was proven to me when I went to an overall rave. My God. And I didn't have to have nearly as much situational awareness. You could just relax. And I couldn't. For the first time in my life at a club as an adult female, I put my drink down.

10:22 Whoa. I put my drink down at. I went like this. I looked away wholly and my drink was fine. That's my butt was not touched. None of my body parts were touched without asking. So it's like, you know, you do it. Yeah. No, it's you have to have. You can't walk with your headphones at night. You can't answer the door in a silk nightgown.

10:44 You know, you can't do. You have to have because a massive amount of situational where my husband always jokes that he's like, I was in the military, I got all this situational workplace. Oh, my buddy, you have no idea what that means. I at the situation because not only are you aware of what's happening around you, you have to be careful what you're telegraphing, because what you said about the.

11:04 If you answered the door in a silk robe, it would telegraph, I'm open for business. I'm ready. Like, okay, so would you. You have kids if you. I didn't see the door in a silver ocean. Yeah. I think this kid though, to get those jobs out of here, really I'm looking forward to next time I come through here.

11:23 I want to see the silk. Mona. Yeah. If that was not answered, next time I show up, I'm leaving it. We will not do a podcast. So whenever you start, we'd like to tell you about.

11:36 Can I tell my Jehovah's Witness story a little bit later? Yeah. And I stopped the spot and I stopped the stop flash. Eight seconds. So you have kids, you you have kids. And obviously when they were younger, you would take them places, go to the store, come out, put them back in the car, put the groceries in, go.

11:53 Yeah. Okay. When I come out of the store, I have to be very aware of everything around me because, you know, some guy who was following me and my kids might have followed me out because I am a very small female. Right. And then and many people are going to think you're cute and cute. Yeah. So when people you could just walk to your car, put your kids in and get your groceries and go home, I walk to my car, open my door, put my cart in front of my door, get my kids in first so I'm blocked in and nobody can just walk up behind me and wrap me.

12:30 I got my taser in my pocket, you know, like it's. So I have, like, women tend to have a higher level, especially walking around with kids. Like, you're going to have a higher level of situational awareness, no doubt. So I'm just going to say this four ways women are stronger than me is what I'm hearing is stamina, recovery, resilience, adaptability.

12:53 Because all of those things fold into the social game. You're having to play the, the, the, the landscape you're navigating, the group dynamics that are created and surround you are different than the ones that men have to play through. Say what you mean, but don't speak your mind, you know. Yes, yes. Be. Be big and be brave. But not at.

13:14 But don't make anybody else feel a little, you know, like it's it's, all these unspoken layers and rules. I don't know if it's possible to know, but I wonder, it's like the the majority of the statistics of crime that are perpetuated on on women, right, are the ones that happens mostly to the women that have less of this situational awareness.

13:35 I wonder, because it is where it gets be interesting. Interesting to see this as statistics behind that route. And how do you get statistics on that. Right. Because how do you determine how social situation where someone really is. Yeah. And how do you say, well they navigate the system wrong or you victim blaming them. Are you saying you know they made the wrong decision or a misstep?

13:58 Yeah, that's that's really interesting because, you know, maybe I think that's that's where the like, oh what was she wearing. How much did she have to drink. That's where all that kind of stems from is like well was she was she paying attention? She played the game wrong. Yeah, right. She wasn't situationally aware as she should have been.

14:13 So we're had it forced by society to be situationally aware. And if we're not, that's our own fault. But what you're saying about this all girl rave, though, there's a there's a dynamic to that. So the women do know that there's you know that there is that present, the possible danger present. There's a present danger clear and present danger.

14:32 There we go. Absolutely. You know, so with that being said, it's like the all women rave kind of revealed that there's a reality. Right. That not to not to then say there's any kind of to victim blaming. But if a woman goes out there not knowing. Right. It's like they were I, I'm trying to be sensitive and use the right words because I don't want I have sensibilities, these things that are genuine and good and proper.

14:59 I don't want to say sound like Andrew Tate or something. Right? Right. You know, so the, the, the ladies that go out that are, like, truly naive because they don't have the experience. Right? Right. You know, it's giving them the talk. Yeah. There we go. Where they haven't just learned it. Right? Right. So. Right. So when will come into this knowledge one way they'll even absorb it through society.

15:18 They'll get it from training from their parents and their peers and kind of thing that family and friends will tell them, you know, watch out for this, out for that. But then there's these other circumstances. I definitely see that first hand experience with this where where women become too afraid. And so talking about this range of dynamics, you have to run, not only you have to be situationally where, but you have to know if you're being too hyper, which is which is then screwing up with your mind.

15:43 Right? Which we talked about podcast before. So I get hyper aware when it comes to my kids too. Like because I won't I don't like take them to a park by myself or anything like that. Like if I have two kids to watch, I'm not. I'm not going to the park by myself because humans are scary, right? You can't buy for K through retention in that many pieces.

16:00 Exactly. You know, and so ultimately that's that's it. It's it's it's not awareness becomes hyper aware, but you have to choose your daily level of paranoia. Like you were saying, you can't fall too deep down that rabbit hole, right? It's got to be this constant struggle to balance. And like you said, choose situations where you're not overtaxed, where you're not overburdened.

16:25 Okay, I've got one kid. We can go to the park, which sucks because instead of, you know, like going and being like, hey, guys, don't do this. We're like women. Be more careful. Yes, we be put the only right here are some things you can do to protect yourself. And we're not going to do anything about the people that are perpetuating the game.

16:46 There's another dynamic here that you you need to be aware of if you're not already. And that is that men feel the opposite effect of this. So like for example, if I'm in the park, right, I see like I'm looked at, I can just feel it like looked at as some type of monster behemoth that says likely to do something bad to somebody.

17:04 Like if you look at some ladies walking through the grocery store and has her kid tell or something like that, and you look at the kid and you smile at the kid because you're a human being, the mother will be like, like, like almost like, look at you. Like, why would you look at my kid? You know, it's like, oh, maybe I should look at children or like, you know, like a like a human being, you know, and and men feel this weird thing, too, coming from society, like, you're, you're some type of monster.

17:30 That's how I get that by the altar. I get, I think, more often. I think the only thing that men can do at that point is, is just kind of grin and bear it, though. That's created this society that has basically steered women into being hyper aware and situationally where and nervous. But you two options okay. You can you can go ahead and say you can judge it and you can say, there's nothing I can do to put this woman at ease and you can move through.

17:58 Yeah. Or secondarily, you can try to connect, put someone at ease, and you can try to play a game that says, look, I'm here to support and back you up. I'm not here to make it worse. Yep. It's kind of like. So on a funnier note, if you take the TikToks where, like, girls are sitting on the street and a guy walks up and goes, I like your outfit.

18:19 And she's like, I have a boyfriend. He's like, oh, now, honey, I like your outfit. She's like, oh, thank you so much. You know, like it's yeah, yeah, yeah. And it really just describes how it changes because of the inflection in the man's voice. You know, it's she's now she feels open. She can let her guard down. She can.

18:38 She's like, you might come home, hang out with my friends. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh my God, let's have a petty party. Petty party? Yeah. It's weird. The the default. Like, the default is almost like a man is a, this is a feeling I get. And Sean is right, especially as you get older.

18:58 It's like, you know, the default is kind of like the man is some type of, you know, deranged craze. I don't know, sex maniac. Right? You know, slash, you know, who knows what, you know, monster abuser. Like that whole scary mare, the bear thing that keeps being brought. Yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah, it is. You feel that?

19:19 But I don't think it's even close to the pressure felt within the other dynamic. Right. Sure. To wear like these layers. Well, we can we can leave this situation most likely most of the time. It's a simple thing where we're not necessarily being attacked and assailed from multiple areas. Usually it's one person or two people, you know. Yeah.

19:37 So here's another example. This is my uncle. He's like, you know, got firearms and stuff. And he's like, oh, well, some of her breaks in the house, you know, and they all the time talk about these scenarios that could happen. But then I was like, look over the entire year old man now like 70 in your 70s, right.

19:52 And look over the entire arc of your life. Who came into who ever did a home invasion on you? Yep, yep. Who mugged you ever on the street your whole entire life? Were you ever mugged? No. Did anyone ever break in your house? No. Did you ever defend your house against an intruder? No. Some counterpoints to that. So.

20:10 Well, that's about seven different. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. I had the sign over me. Goofy ass white boy. Please rob me. I will do no harm. Yeah, yeah, I non-threatening everything. I am an ATM, so my relative being on guard his entire life has endured a almost a version of terrorism to himself. He's put himself through all these all these fears like he's had dreams and nightmares about these scenarios.

20:42 Jesus. Really? Yeah. Like, because I'm always afraid someone's going to come in and hurt somebody. Well, and so this whole life of living in fear versus the data, the data suggests that nothing's like if something happens, it's it's so few and far between rare. And it's not even likely to happen to your entire life. Right. And so if we there's this whole paradox of like, yes, being prepared and fearful of what might happen versus what the chances are if something happened become sort of becoming radically different.

21:09 And then if you spend too much time in that headspace worried about body happen, you lose out on the moment you lose your degrading your quality of life because you're scared all the time. Yeah, you're you're stuck in this sea. You're stuck a wash in the sea of what if you're constantly scared and frightened by these specters that are haunting you, that have no substance, you don't.

21:29 Your your daily level of paranoia is a spiraled out of control. And you've lost the plot. Yeah. So some that some guy comes up in the grocery store and says, hey, you know, I'm sorry, I find you really attractive. You want to go to a coffee sometime? I had a boyfriend. No, no, no, we would get away from me as her has her keys, has her Keyser race entertainers with the with the.

21:49 You know. So that happens because most people don't take. I have a boyfriend as enough of a no. I see you see what I'm saying. So like people are just automatically on guard that no is not going to be enough. Yeah. Nose not inseparable you know and people. Well, I'm just pursuing you. I'm just being persistent I said no yeah.

22:10 No it's a full that's. And we need to go back to the overarching thing here that this is the stem and we need to have conversations with our boys. We need to have conversations not just with our girls. Instead of making boys more accountable, we're making girls more how to be more aware. Yes, more adaptable and more aware.

22:28 And the answer is really is will be boy. And that's that blanket statement there is wrong. I'm definitely exception to that rule. I talked to my my son and really young age and there are many, many exceptions to that rule. And I think especially with like the Gen X and millennial generation and the Gen Z generation coming up, it's going to change that dynamic going to change.

22:52 Yes, 100%. Yes. There's still going to be a moon. But you know like it's going to there's that is definitely going to change. And I think to it women and men growing up as girls and boys, you are both there comes a certain age where we leave that level of invincibility that we all thought we had, you know, because at 13 years old, I'm walking to the gas station down Tremont Avenue with my gaggle of girls, and now I'm like, oh God, why was I doing that?

23:20 That was dangerous. You know, like, we were not smart. And but you have, like, this level of invincibility as a young boy or a young girl. And I feel like young girls are made aware that they are not invisible a lot earlier than boys are made aware that they are not invincible. Because boys do. We we we do things well into their teens and early adults.

23:43 I mean, I'm going to wager to say up into your mid 20s. Yeah, but like we have this level of invincibility and then girls at a young age are like slowly told, like you are not invincible. This could happen, this could happen, this could happen, this could happen where mostly it's like, oh, hey, Joe, you know, be aware of your surroundings.

24:04 You may get mugged at the gas pump, you know, for boys like so. So it's interesting too, that this all ties into literally at the end of the day, group dynamics. Right. So it's like the group dynamic in your family. What's your family's history and experience with this type of things. Right. So that's going to be then bestowed onto the children.

24:20 The experience of the adults or the parents are going to bestow their their version of reality onto their kids, good and bad for sure. And then, you know, like at the gas pump, you have to do this. The gas station. Well, some people don't even pump their own gas or never have to worry about if they're even going on a damn gas station because somewhere some drives them around or it's in new Jersey.

24:40 Yeah. So yeah, that's not what I'm saying. So, like, environmental circumstances and income layers, all these different layers tie into them your dynamic and exposure and your ultimately your group dynamic within your family, within your community and then ultimately society. Sure. Absolutely. Yeah. But so so these advice that parents give children in these type of domains, I think will shift dramatically based on circumstantial.

25:07 Well, especially us kids who grew up in, you know, being young in the 90s and early 2000 or the late 80s, like it's going to you have that generation of people that have the latch key kids that could basically do whatever. Like you could go out, be home in the street, lights came on, you know, like it. I went out like, why was I seven years old, riding my bike around New Fairfield, Connecticut, with no regret?

25:31 Like nobody was wondering where I was. So they just knew I would come home. We're in the same thing in the Milford, Connecticut, right? Like, yeah, there we go. I, I was wandering around the backwoods of Kentucky near like, I was right, hiking with my dog at eight years old and the mountains by myself. Yeah. Doing that, we're running across moonshine shacks and being like, oh, what is that?

25:51 Right. But on the internet, we came up in the, in that age of like technology and boom and this and that and people, there's such a contract. It's such a contrast for what it used to be. So we have like that let our kids be kids feel sure. But also shit's really dangerous. So like we we have to make them self-aware but not like hyper aware in the sense that a lot of us are now, yes, of what we knew it to be.

26:20 And it is now not. It's a tightrope to walk and, you know, it is. And like you said, I'm not saying the world was less dangerous when we were coming up, but there was a lot of things we could do and pull off and get away with that. You can't do now, right? There's this movement called Free Range Kids, which is the idea of bringing back this kid feel giving autonomy to kids again, the kids to actually, like, walk down the streets and go to the store and get something, you know, Bible cells after with a certain age within certain limits and, you know, reasonable in a reasonable manner.

26:58 But the idea of like bringing back autonomy to youth, because the idea is that the youth of today is really missing out on something now. And, you know, there's a as a parent, right? We're both parents. And so there's this paradox. There's this like obviously fear. If you were to try to do something like that, your kid oh go, oh and go down to the store and get, get us this and walk back to the store as a mile away.

27:20 Oh yeah. My grandparents were sending my dad at like five years old to go away and smoke smokes. No, there would be a packet of smokes and a, you know, a tall boy, right? Yeah. I would not do that with my son. No, no. But outside of life, right down there or let's drive down right, or walk together with you down there.

27:34 Whatever. But I would not do that now. No. And and so it's because I have a statistically nothing's going to happen. Right. But in the event something did happen, I could never live with myself. Right. So it's my own selfishness of like restricting my kid and their opportunities. It is what it is. And I'm sorry, I don't think that's going to change because, like, I just can't put myself to risk it.

27:56 No it can't. The risk far outweighs any benefit of letting him do it. But but here we go. I mean, we're championing the fact that we were able to bring risk into our lives to build resilience. And yet we're but it also built trauma. It did the art. All our generation is a trauma sandwich. Trauma written. Yes. It's just.

28:16 And that's why we're all so funny. That's that's fucked. Yes, I love that. But the thing is, we gotta look for those opportunities, I think, to bring in. Okay. Like the UK, when we talk about this on the podcast is bringing risky playgrounds in that have, you know, like nails and hammers and tools and weird shit and places where if you jump off of that, you're going to get hurt.

28:42 Where where kids are building resilience through experiential ness and there's guardrails around it, like you said, where you're like, okay, within these this structure, I'll let my kid have this experience. Oh, 100%. That just happened. We were at Six Flags or whatever it was. No. I'm sorry. No. As Kings Dominion on a on a trip, we were up for a for memorial and we stopped back on the way in and Kings Dominion and, they had this nice waterpark there.

29:07 Well, soon I sat on the edge of the water park where where it led in, and it opens up this huge water park. And we let the boys and their young still. Right. We let the boys just said, go, go, go. Yeah. We'll be here when you come back. Because it was like a choke, like a whole new world for you.

29:20 Is that like a new I guess that like, I'm thinking about that with having like a five and a three year old. I'm like, oh, those days will be nice. Take up to the park. I'm let them go. So I think he might tournament like Sue is still a little paranoid, right. But yeah, I was like, no, you know, this is this is a setting that is like, this is okay.

29:40 Yeah. And it was it was very liberating. And the kids had a great time. It was that liberating for her as well. She like I'm sure it was. She has a chill out you know. And she's like, oh we didn't set an exact time. And I was like, it's it's okay. You know, there are they might get too hot, you know, what is one of them gets injured.

29:57 But of course, everything the parents are sure. But, you know, I was like, no, you know, we have to slowly but surely introduce the right, you know, the, the, the right quantity of autonomy and just the left risk. But except the amount of risk, you know. Well, I think you guys are doing it at a right age, though, because I think I feel like, you know, our generation.

30:16 And before that, they were like introducing us to the idea of autonomy when we were like four or 5 or 6 years old in like, hey, go walk to the neighbor's house five houses down, and I'm going to be in the house, blow dry in my hair, and I can't hear nothing, you know, you know, like, and instead it's like, my I would say my version of introducing autonomy to my children is like, hey, go rest your tea for yourself.

30:38 Hey, why don't you go to the fridge, get out of that jar of pickles by yourself and bring it over here. Hey, why don't you go over to the neighbor's house right next door? I'll stand on the porch while you go do it. So it's like a it's it's a less risky autonomy, but then you get to, like, where your kids are a little bit older, and you can finally give them and their boys.

30:55 Right. And like, you give them that level of autonomy in a safe fashion. And I feel like they gave us that autonomy all at once. They do. And then the next generation went, wait, you. Let's save that autonomy, Becker, because this is bad. This is bad. Things will happen. And then this our generation comes out. Or like my generation comes out and goes, okay, wait a minute.

31:18 We need to give them some kind of autonomy in that sense, but we need to do it in a less risky way, revealed it by degrees, and give it out maturity level and age appropriate. And you might fuck that up. But you it's an iterative thing where you experiment and you see what can the kid handle, what can they not.

31:37 Right. Because it's like you guys did. I think our generation, my generation is give them the tools they need to survive, but also be there for them while they do it. Like, yeah, yeah, be supportive for when because okay, you assume that they're going to eventually fail. And when they fall through you're there to catch or you're there to mitigate, you know.

32:00 So the really the way I see it is that also is sending my kid down to the store, even right now, if I were to do that right now, is is still less risky than not watching what they're looking at on the internet. Yes. So I think that we all have the ultimate, I don't even know what to call it.

32:19 A social pariah in our homes, omnipresent in our homes. We basically we basically have the scumbag, you know, in our house directly at the family computer. Yeah. That's right, that's right. That the for or perversion that that just said no, you're right because I'm constantly my kids watch like 2 or 3 things on like adult YouTube and I have to like constantly like be like okay, that's not for you.

32:44 That's not. No not that video. Whenever I was in Hilton Head with my brother's family, they were doing the same thing. They just kind of keep one. I l as to what the kids were watching on their tablets and be like, okay, switch that video. Yeah. So what's coming through that pipeline is, you know, almost direct mind control.

33:00 It's going to be a, a guiding factor in their life. Statistically speaking, way more probable to lead the kids to, to bad decisions, mis and disinformation coming through those streams. Then what they statistically then what they would ever encounter on the street. But we'll keep your tank. That's crazy dark web.

33:24 The articles we need. Yeah. And we recently talked about this like it controls for, for for children and in these type of environments, stuff like that. But really if you want to talk about like the true statistical danger factor for the kids, a majority of our effort of protecting them should be going into these digital systems, like legitimately like not just not just individually as parents, but in community society, because we're protecting their minds and hearts during their formative years, how these things will have impacts that are far reaching, not just to the individual, but to their social network and society at large.

33:56 Yeah. So I'm going to give you a water. Yeah. I don't think that something, Charles, I don't think I don't think anything changed as far as a groundswell in society. Like even so, so rapidly as the, massive, number of people that identify as LGBTQ. Right? So, like in my lifetime, there was always like, we had names for it.

34:19 When I was a kid, there was like tomboy. There was like, you know, a girl that was that hung out with the boys more. It was. Yeah, yeah. That Campbell where that term for me, like there was metrosexual and there was a guy. There was always like a guy or two in your friend group that was a little more effeminate, you know, and nobody, like, really thought anything of it.

34:39 It was, it was, it was like, I don't know if I don't know if it was better or worse or whatever, but I just remember, like, and this isn't like for child or anything. I just remember it was just like, I don't know, it was I don't know if you have the same experience, Sean, like growing up the, the, the, the boy and your friend group.

34:57 That was like a little bit more effeminate, right? Yeah. And like this girl that was a tomboy. The people that didn't quite fit the traditional mold and pivoted a little bit there were still accepted. And we kind of, you know, might have give them a little bit of crap, but they were accepted. They were taking care. It had acceptable labels.

35:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the people back then that were in those kind of that were exhibiting that kind of stuff were like never beaten or, you know, like not inviting. You protected them and you gave them their room to be. Now, I understand that their stories of like places where people were getting beaten for these type of mentality, like, I don't know, I just know from my perspective of the world I grew up and they're also from the North.

35:42 Yeah. That belts that. Yeah. At the point. Good point. But so what I'm talking about, Sean, right now is that the pure statistics of the number of people amongst the youth, and it keeps going up and up and up each year that now identify as LGBTQ. And sure, it's kind of stuff. And so the idea of this even doesn't come from nowhere.

36:02 Like it didn't just like this. The idea that there's even a thing called didn't just pop out of nowhere is paying from some source. They're their ideas. They are viral little nuggets that, you know, introduce people to possibility and understanding. They provide these things, provide people a vocabulary to frame up their experience and really help them understand and parse things out.

36:28 That's why we end up with more people who are into these things, because now they understand what they are or how they feel. It's kind of like how everybody's always like, oh, there wasn't this many autistic people when I was younger. No there were. You just called him your weird uncle and sent him to a home. I don't I don't know about that.

36:45 I don't know about that because, like, I, I think that the technology induces a lot of the stuff, but I know I don't have to play for you with you on that. I do think that the, the amount of shit that's in our foods, the amount of technology we had that things were more aware of, the environment is truly the environment does affect it.

37:02 But I don't think there's any more or less than we used to have. Like I think it is affecting it in a greater sense. That and but we're just we are more aware we have the scientific research. We know what the different levels on the spectrum are. We now know we have, understand more on how gender is a spectrum or like it's we aren't just like s y xx you know, like it like it's like we understand that there are so many more facets to this.

37:32 Like because my Tism is not nearly as spicy as this guy's Tism, you know, like it's it's and it's my, my level of LGBT ness is not as clear as this guy over here, you know, like. Yeah. So when I grew up, though, there was like no background. There was exactly. There was no even there was nothing anywhere that made me wonder if I was a boy or not.

37:55 Yeah, like like nothing anywhere. There wasn't a discussion. There wasn't a idea. There wasn't even like, there was no there was no anecdotal stories. There was no, there was nothing. There was there was nothing in my environment. I mean, I didn't even think anything along those lines at all, you know, never even crossed my mind until, you know.

38:12 Well, until like having after puberty, you know, but now there's pre-pubescent kids that are being, you know, really made to society is really making them think about their sexuality at a ridiculously pre-pubescent age. I will say people are not. That's a good idea. Because of the internet, kids are exposed to things far earlier than they should be. Like as a person that was exposed to things like sex or sexuality, I, I was exposed to it at a very, very young.

38:39 Should never have been exposed to it at that age. Yeah. And so like at, you know, 6 or 7, I was already questioning things. Got it. And, you know, I'm watching the 99 version of The Mummy going, I like women, you know. Well so like it is, it's what you felt about how you never questioned whether you were a girl or boy or straight or not.

39:06 That's how it is for a lot of people. Even though kids tend to be more exposed than they were ten, 15 years ago. That's how it is for the people in like the trans or queer community. Like they they do question that, like they're like at, you know, these younger, more freshman ages. They're like, I like dresses. Why can't I wear them?

39:26 You know, like it's, am I a boy? Am I a girl? Do I feel better in girls? Do I feel better in this? So, so it's it's almost like. It's like a treasure that you didn't have to question that. And instead of people being like, I didn't have to question that, why do they question that? It should be like, I'm happy I didn't have to question that.

39:45 But I can empathize with the people who might. And in ironically, ways. And yes, and ironically, I had to question it because of my religion. My religion introduced it to me very early and said, oh my God, you got to watch out for this. You got to watch out for these fucking gay people like A's are gonna turn you.

40:03 Yeah. And they had those, you know, when it was like their fear foisted the question upon me because I said, well, let me think about this. The only kind of even close thing I had to that was like public service announcements and some things that came through, like the media and stuff that says, like, you know, if anybody asked you to do something, we don't feel comfortable saying no.

40:23 Sure. Say no. Yeah, yeah. How'd it go? Something like, you know, did that make you feel creepy? Say no. Then go. Then tell. Oh, yeah. That's what this one. Okay. Right. All right, so there was, like, this kind of idea. And so it was all I had in my mind is a kid, you know, not reflective.

40:43 Now, my, my, my aged mind isn't seeing really clear. But, you know, from what I remember, the emotion and the, the, the kind of presence of mind of these kind of things is like, you know, no, no adult should be engaging in any way with you talking about anytime sex or sexuality. Now, interestingly enough, I have this kind of mentality now.

41:02 So okay, the frame, this whole thing, I'll leave it back into what we're talking about. That was supposed to be a joke.

41:12 So we so this is weird paradox right now okay. For example, if some adult was thought any adult was talking to one of my kids about sex, okay, like any of my kids, even my 21 to be 21 year old daughter, right? I would I would intervene, okay. Like, oh, the teacher said what? Yeah, yeah. Trust me, I'm there the same day, right?

41:34 Talking to the principal and the teacher. Right. And and I'm laying down the freaking law. I'll be like, under no circumstances ever again is this person ever to say anything to my child about sex or sexuality, right? Without my consent, approval or knowledge of what's being discussed? And that's all. Well, but I would just say it. But it's all doing together.

41:52 Sexuality and sex. It's the same thing. Well is it always there in this case. Yeah. It, it isn't always the case though because like you know if you look at it this way I had I'm a queer woman, I am pansexual, bisexual whatever you want to call me. Sure. And I had straight hetero relationships thrust upon me in every Disney movie you could imagine, every TV show.

42:17 There was no examples of LGBTQ relationships when I was younger. And I'm still queer. Yeah, I got it. You're at. I'm still you being you being. You know, you, given that as your soul example, didn't change how you felt about yourself when you asked yourself the question. Right. And I think having kids made me understand more to that.

42:38 Talking about sex versus talking about like a sexuality is completely different because it sexuality does not necessarily mean sex. So if I, if my it is like, oh, why are my aunt and uncle kissing. Oh because they're married. That's what that is. Oh why does Aunt Sam have a woman that lives with her? Oh, because they're also married and they love each other.

43:06 And there's inherently innocent ways to talk to kids about sexuality. There is never an innocent way to talk to kids about sex. True. So, so failed members doing what we just described is totally fine with me. No problem with that at all. I'm I'm totally no or random person. That's exactly what I'm talking about. If any. Any adult talks to my kid about sex or sexuality, right?

43:29 It's on. Yeah. Absolutely not. Because that's how I feel about adults talking to my kids about religion. Yeah, I do, absolutely. If my kid went to somebody's house for play date or whatever, and they were like, you know, I trusted them and their adult starts talking to them and we're having the conversation 100% start talking about Jesus or Allah or whatever.

43:49 But, you know, Krishna, we're having a conversation right now. If I know that they want to talk to my kid about Krishna, I'll talk to them first and go through what they want to talk about and then say, yeah, absolutely. I like my kid to have this exposure, but it would be sanctioned. I don't have children, but, I've had peripheral experience and also heavy involvement with summers kids.

44:10 Right. And, you know, I had to navigate some of these issues with summers kids over the last six years. And it's like I realized from my compromise position as a bonus, dad, that I couldn't impose some of those structures and structures and say, look, I don't want them to know about this or that. I had to really instead take the approach of, they're going to be exposed to it, and I have to be open for them to talk to me about it when they're exposed to it.

44:39 Right. And I have to let them filter down what their experience is, bring it to me, and then I can give them opinions. I can give them ideas, I can give them tools. And I kind of think that's a little bit of all what we have to do. I like that, yeah. Because yeah, we can say we prefer they not be exposed, but they're going to be exposed 100%.

45:00 They're gonna be exposed. Right. And and I have that dialog open with my children. I say anything's on the table. We talk about anything all the time, no questions asked. Don't worry about it. And it worked that really useful. And it works. It's a great tool. Yeah. Right. Now here's the thing that that I wanted to leave it right.

45:15 Oh, we're still trying to you I bought you trying to, you know, trying to weave. And, so this is the thing, right? Is that so? There's this there's this hypervigilance awareness. So, like, if you're walking down the street and somebody's going like this with their phone and they're like this on you, right?

45:35 But you're immediately going to feel like, get a little bit of a icky vibe from somebody, right? Videotaping me as a guy. If some lady was like, you know, you know, what are you doing? You're instantly aware of everything around you. Yeah, I just, I slept my I probably my sachet myself. That doesn't. Yeah, but I would still get this thing like, you know, what the hell?

45:54 That's kind of, you know why, you know? Right. And, but, you know, from the state perspective or from the business perspective, we've been normalized to being on video surveillance almost everywhere we go, 24 over seven. And there's somebody behind that thing, or possibly someone behind that thing watching as well. Right? So like when it's institutionalized and it becomes part of the infrastructure, it becomes invisible to us.

46:14 We accept it like without even ever really thinking about it. Right. But as soon as a person pulls out a camera and starts pointing it at you and starts filming, you, like, what do you what are you doing? You know. Yeah. And so it's the same thing is that this internet that our last line of 1984. And so they accepted Big Brother.

46:31 Yes. I mean harbors. And so when our kids are being exposed to this information and idea over the internet stream, like, right, right, right. We have collectively this kind of more passive approach to it like, oh, it's, you know, it's just a YouTube video, it's the internet or whatever. And but when someone talks to my kid in real life, you know.

46:51 Right. I'm there. What are you talking about? It. You can't believe everything. You see a greater net, right? Right. Troop into it. But. Yeah, but. Yeah, but I'm right there. Why are you talking to my kid about this thing? You know, let's have a conversation. But then if something comes off on a video and I'm not there watching it, like I'm.

47:07 I think of that without. If I'm not thinking about it, I that gets through. You see what I'm saying? So the real danger in everyone's household isn't the kid running with the scissors. It's watching the videos that you don't know what the hell they're watching. Yeah, it's actually the real modern danger. Because when when someone's going out to school, my kid comes home.

47:25 Yeah, it's such and such, you know? You know, my teacher said this today, and I can just be like, hey, and especially during Covid when they're when they're here, I could eavesdrop on what they could hear what the teacher were doing. Oh, and I have to actually talk to a couple of the teachers, because some of the shit they were saying to the kids and, it it was very valuable.

47:43 It opened up conversation. It was a dialog, and it changed behaviors. It was a great learning moment. But there's not a camera in the classroom. I don't know what those teachers are saying every day. So I have to have an open dialog with my kids so that I know what they're told. And I never understood why there aren't.

47:56 Because you have daycares that have cameras and webcams and stuff. Darby daycares have cameras, right? Like, why wouldn't we do that? The liability liability. Also, I think it would create like an opportunity for parents to like nitpick every little thing. And teachers would probably never get their fucking job done. But also like, why don't we. Yeah, I think we should like it's you have cameras all over your workplace making sure you're doing your job and blogging with your fingerprint and do this and do that.

48:25 And so I think if we're going to do that, I really think what we're taking away, a freedom that teachers have historically had. So I think they need to be better. I like that, you know, and because signaling becomes a better anyway. Yes, yes. A strand. Yeah. Absolutely. More for dangerous. I'm I'm back during the compensation through this extra you know hey we're weighing more heavily on you and we're adding more requirements and we're adding.

48:58 So here's $30,000 more year. And I think it should go both ways to I think every parent should have a log in username and password that that shifts and change, and they have to renew it after a certain amount. And the teacher knows every single parent that's logged in watching and and they can see it. So it's so it's not it's not unit directional.

49:13 It's bidirectional. Right. It's like the teacher will TikTok live you know. Yeah 100%. The teacher knows everyone. Every parent that's in there and can even communicate with the parent in real time. So I would think I think that would change the dynamic of schooling all around. It would I think it would be beautiful teachers and students accountable for their actions.

49:30 It would. But I really feel like there also needs to be like, look, you know, redneck Johnny, you can't just pop on to this live and be like, questioning every curriculum thing that you think, oh, it's like the it's like the. Yeah, exactly. No bullshit. It would have the regular expected controls. I'd be like the hand raised for the adults.

49:54 Yeah. Right. Okay. And then when the teacher can get to that person then. Yeah, the brown needs to be a certain level of decorum and patience 100%. Like, hi, this parent is asking for a callback after class or how does it parents leach you an email? Yeah, a complete like written rule book on how all this stuff is going to work.

50:11 Yeah, but also protect the teachers more because it hundred percent 100% because the kids are fucking known embellishes and they will, you know, say what they need to say to make themselves look good and, you know, be okay. They know how to pull the levers and triggers of their parents. But then you have the parents that don't believe their kids about shit, and this teacher might be being an asshole to them.

50:32 And the the parents like, what are you doing? There's there's plenty of cases where a parent will, like, come to the school to pick up their kid, and the kid doesn't know the parents coming to pick up them, and they'll go to the room and they'll look in and they'll see their kid behaving away that they never would believe possible.

50:47 Because there's kids that are talking about group that to weave that right. Talk about group dynamic. There's kids that go to school and there are totally different people than the way they portray themselves at all. And the parents are so naive to it that they can't believe that their kid did they. My five year old is ten times different at home than she is at Mimi and Daddy's house.

51:06 You know like it's so even at a super says naturally do this code switching group dynamic thing. Yeah absolutely. And you know that's kind of the grandparents vault too, because yeah, because they're doing this thing that I that's called grandparent privilege. You ever heard that great privilege. No. So the grandparent privilege is the ability to spoil the living shit or the grandkids.

51:26 Yeah. Yeah. So that's their privilege. They don't have to deal with the fallout of the. Yeah. Right. They squared up these kids bedtimes. They screwed up there. Yeah. Schedule. They figure out why suddenly my mom has McDonald's money. So, like. And that's so great. You know, like that, right? It's like because McDonald's money is now $20 for damn combo.

51:48 You know, back then, it was always. No, we acted at home. Oh. Oh, I never do that. If it's like sit down price, I would never buy it at a fast food joint. I'm like, no, let's go sit down. You know what's so crazy now? Some sit down restaurants are cheaper than McDonald's. I can go to Chili's and for 10.99, get a fucking three course meal.

52:08 Yeah, I don't understand why two Happy Meals cost me $15. That should, I believe I would never buy two Happy Meals. A $15 right will be unhappy for you. You have angry toddlers. You buy them. Okay. Yeah. I'm so stingy with that kind of stuff. I was just. We're going to be unhappy today, like so. Sorry. That's going to be I wanted to tell a group dynamic story about, something I experienced at work.

52:31 Now it's pretty sanitized and and nice. So, like, just to go back to the group dynamic thing. So this, this younger girl comes in when we're all sitting at this bar, and we both kind of let her head her down. We've had a couple of drinks and she's got I see that she got her Tia badge on.

52:54 Right. And so I'm immediately ready to welcome her. I see her coming up with an ear shot. I'm like, hey, how you doing? And I mean, the way that I greeted her and brought her into the group and, you know, she had a she said at the head of the table, everybody thought that she was my girlfriend.

53:11 And and it's like, nice because I, you know, author food, whatever. Because we had group sharable appetizers and stuff like that, and she just glommed on to it and immediately was like, bantering with me. And it was easy, right? So they were like, this guy knows. Sean knows her. They they're close. And it's like, I had never seen her before in my life.

53:31 And, you know, she was way too young to be my girlfriend. She was like 24, you know, and it was obvious she was 24. Gotcha. And so it was like. But everybody started treating her like she was my girlfriend and giving her that extra, you know? Hey, how are you doing? Asking her about her being interested in her.

53:51 And I got the impression later those guys wouldn't have done that if they didn't think I was close to her. They would have naught her, which was crazy. That's crazy. So I, I inadvertently I was just talking about a group dynamic story from work. I was just a quick give a quick synopsis. There's a we were sitting at a bar.

54:11 We had let our hair down, drink a couple of drinks, and, there was somebody from the same hour, same job came in. I see her badge on her hip. Right. And she's looking around like she's looking for a home. Almost like who? Who I sit with. And, she comes over and immediately when she gets within earshot, I greet her and I'm like, hey, are you doing it?

54:34 That I make sure she has a seat. I give her some of our sharable appetizers. Everybody immediately got the impression that she was my girlfriend and that I knew her and she's. So the group was suddenly being kind and nice and asking and interested in her. Yeah, exactly. And they weren't. I got I found out later they would have ignored it if they didn't think that she was so.

54:59 So let's let this be the Christian know of the conversation, right? This is perfect. You can actually, with enough emotional intelligence, start to use group dynamics to try to benefit everyone in the group, right? Yeah. So like you could have with shave it to your will. Yeah. So was like a touch of sophistication and actually like conscious awareness of it.

55:17 Sean, you could actually do something like that with intent. Like not mislead people but like like they sell that manipulation. So we're I'm saying is recognize the group dynamics, recognize all the dynamics in this, all the all the levers and switches, exactly what our political parties do. Yeah. Say it is all about the group dynamics. Like they're going to, you know, you're going to pander to the evangelical.

55:42 You're going to pander to this. You're going to pander to the like, extra Libby people. You're going to have hinder to this and this and this. So they're doing it with they're doing it with a course of being then trying to grab power. I'm saying use it in a way to try to make the best experience for everyone.

55:56 I was trying to make a better experience. Yeah, I was trying to make it like I was trying to think of it. In all, you're using your powers for good. Okay, no, I laugh, needed good, I love that.

56:09 Yes. So like in in the front facing group dynamic present way I present myself is like I try to be consistent and on brand with a reasonable, intelligent, reasonably intelligent person that cares deeply and has tremendous empathy for human beings. Sure, humanists and all these other kind of things. But in reality, on the, you know, backstabbing, the nickel mustache brewing, smoky, smoky backroom trying dames to the train.

56:35 Yeah. Yeah, right. Si, si, si. That that's that's who I really am. Right. And, you have to pay for that. Get on Patreon. It's the Patreon paywall as we've really got to your milk there. We. But we don't even have an active Patreon. But we know that we're directing people to nowhere. Yeah, yeah. And everyone. But that's for Twitch stream.

57:02 Oh, no no no. What? Just get kicked off Twitch now that we're not even on, I know you're just gonna preemptively ban us. Try to start an account, and it's like, no, no, we heard about you. That's how you were coming. So this whole thing of, like, this villain, you know, twirling the mustache, it'd be really kind of interesting to like me.

57:25 A real version of that. Like somebody who. Who not only is that, you know, villain twirling the mustache type thing, you know, rubbing their hands together and maniacally flying, but like, like knows that they're that and or that with intent, like, you know, like it's not hidden, you know, and it'd be really interesting to to see like the, there's somehow some way someone has to come to the rationality that that's justified.

57:50 And so it'd be really interesting to hear the justification of that justification. I mean, I mean, how can someone like Elon Musk come out and say, what was it? The the empathy is a barrier to progress or something like, yeah, you know, it's on the weakness of the Western world, I believe he said, okay, weakness of the Western world.

58:08 And you're talking about something that every single human being is naturally imbued with. So it's what got us here, right. What he's saying is there's a dynamic of human, that human nature that is a barrier to an agenda. Well okay. Yeah. Well nature had you know there's a, there's a, there's a theory in evolution about evolutionary biology theory that all the emotions, all these things that are within us are, are honed over the evolutionary timeline.

58:36 And so they're not just there as they're not just there as vestigial barriers, they're there as like what what made us are makes us inherently human. Yeah. There you go. See if there's any barriers. It would be the things like religion or science or anything, like things that it can tend to go one way or the other. Yeah.

58:59 Like it's I don't I don't think that in the things that make you inherently human are going to be a barrier in any sense, like it's no trigger warning, it's common sense that they would not. Yeah. And so our human nature needing no.

59:22 So, so our, our our human nature also it's tied into like you know you use these labels previously I, I'm pan and I'm by and all. It's going to start right. Well actually no that's actually very human. Human beings are naturally promiscuous. So like there's this is this is baked in this is very human thing. Like, there's really no reason to my mind even bother with any specific labels promiscuity.

59:47 I mean, it's a good thing with like, kids. Yeah. But like, this is what that ultimately leads to. Children free population. The population specially we're just trying to repopulate our species, you know, with a primal with a primal urge, with all these layers of sophistication. Sometimes I think it's like, yes, there's this primal need for these type of things, these really sophisticated mechanics of civilization and culture and all these, like, right, layered on top of it in many cases, needlessly sure.

1:00:18 To me, I think so it's like promiscuity is the more inherently natural human aspect, where as monogamy probably wouldn't be as like naturally, inherently a human. Indeed. Right. Exactly. Say, in monogamy, it's been argued, has been just preferred and layered upon as a society, as a control. It's easier to add a to layer upon. You have a life mate, then we can win over things down and control you.

1:00:48 You're you're you're you're an even charge for it, right? Like you got to pay for the license. And then, my gosh, if you ever go for a divorce, you know, you give it a 50% to some, you know, institution or whatever. I think I think I honestly though, I think monogamy could be an inherently human trait as well, because if you think about it, the other mammals in the world that tend to have more of a relationship with like penguins, penguins or lobsters or, you know, like it's like you do have animals, but then you got dolphins out here just fucking everybody, you know, like dolphins.

1:01:22 They're all stone. Yeah, they've a prehensile being. Us. They are for making things around things and drag them to the ocean floor. It's growing up as you're being up in heaven. How did she die? How did you die? Well, I fell in the water. I fell in the water off a cruise ship, and a dolphin lassoed me and pulled me to the deaths and thought it was hilarious.

1:01:44 Lacking all the way down there. I got last night by a red rocket, and I never saw the surface. It was the most.

1:01:53 It was the most terrifying but somehow greatest experience of simultaneously terrified and beautiful. Yes, yes. The euphoria I felt is the last bits of energy for me. I mean, I think you're right, though. I think it was like the monogamy that humans inherently already naturally feel in some humans was taken and ran with as a way to like, control and change that dynamic.

1:02:24 Right? Yeah. But then there's the reality, right? Like when you look at statistics when it comes to paternity, is that the monogamy is just literally kind of a joke, like, you know, all these all these tropes that all these institutions and things that we put on top of layered on top of this, when the data itself shows that this just not reality.

1:02:42 Yeah. More and Jerry Springer showcase that on public scale. Yeah. So so you know there's like I think monogamy monogamy is a wonderful thing when it suits your interests well and it suits what you're looking for. Well, but if it doesn't suit you well, and if you're the type person where it doesn't suit you well, I think it's just a new.

1:02:59 So if you're more than less penguin. Yeah, but I think that I think that people aren't so, so so like rigid. I think that someone can be a dolphin and penguin and then paying her for a long time and then be a dolphin again. And it'd be, you know, I think that people are dynamic and, and they, they shift sins in their life as things go by.

1:03:17 So why, why put yourself in a box? Why you give yourself any kind of label or really identifier that means one thing when maybe that's that's true for the moment, you know. But maybe like in six months or a year or ten years, it's maybe completely different. That's a good point. That is good measure is change as your age, you're evolve and your ideas change and your ships relationships change.

1:03:36 I can say people are fluid. Yeah. So yeah. Absolutely. And you go, there's that spectrum we were talking about like the gender the spectrum that gender exists on. Yes, in it. But I can say even as like a buyer pansexual woman, I am in a hetero marriage. Sure. With a man. Sure. I'm still queer as hell. You don't like it.

1:04:00 It's because that label still suits me. But you're not a point on a line on this spectrum. You're a you're a range, and you have this range grows and shrinks and changes and morphs. Right? Like, if something were to happen to me and my husband and we were no longer together, like my, my queerness is still there and it would still help be a deciding factor in what will your next relationship is going to be.

1:04:26 And there's like currently within our social I, our social groups are sort of, you know, aligned like most of the similar kind of people that we all sure, the three of us know kind of a lot of common people. We have a lot of people that we know in common, and also the people that we don't know they're in common still are sort of in the same.

1:04:43 Right, like kind of people that we, we like to hang out with. Yeah, yeah. And in that group, what you just said is actually right now, in this moment in our society is actually like an a popular and attractive thing to say. Right. So it's like the way you just phrase that is like would be perfectly like thumbs up.

1:05:06 Yeah. You go, you know like yes. You know would be would be a firmed in the current culture within our social group. So it's like, you know, using using that language to describe and all of the stuff is like right on brand and right on point for. Right? Right. Like, social and cultural acceptance in the moment.

1:05:24 It's like very popular. It like, raises the bar of your cool factor, you know, to say it like that.

1:05:31 You know, and. Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to throw that out there. That's like there's, there's certain words and certain things in the cultural moment that, you know, describe something, you know, that are like then the right words and things to use to describe that thing, when really when you peel the layers back, it's it goes back to that human nature of.

1:05:50 Right. And that's just the way to describe this element of human nature right now in this cultural moment. Yeah. They don't say they are new social cachet. They earn you, you know, that shine and, and, and, the latitude and mobility, you can move through so many other groups easier that you have that and, you know, it's back into that group dynamic is knowing now not only the way to act and present yourself in a certain group dynamic, but how to use codifying your language.

1:06:19 Yeah. Does that make sense? I've always. My mom always told me I was a chameleon because I would like travel from group to group to group or group, and I would constantly be like, I'd have like a group of best friends here, a group of best friends here, her best friends here, all these little islands that you visit.

1:06:34 Yes. Yeah. And I mean, you know, whenever I was in a reality, it's just my brain having a lot happening. And I'm like, well, this group gets this part, this group gets this part, this group gets this part. Let me keep going. One of the satisfy all the passengers. Exactly. I, I had too much happening in there for just one group to set, one group dynamic to satisfy everything that was exploding around.

1:06:58 I totally get that. Yeah. And so that's, you know, intelligent and it's also dynamic. And there's a lot of positives to it that I think the only other flip side of that dark side of it could be is if we like, start doing that in the extreme case, we could start to then maybe start to lose resolution on who we really are and be less certain about who we are as a person as it gets.

1:07:20 Right? If we if we could switch all the time and we're always in this constant state of flux and always right, if you're never maintaining that person that you originally are at your your values, your morals, your this or that, you could absolutely fall into forgetting or wow, yeah, transfer. Like transplanting into whatever group feeds your needs the most.

1:07:47 Not being a real person, not having a true identity, not figuring out what mattered to you. Then suddenly your ChatGPT fall. So not shit. Yeah. So we don't only morph and codify into us and stuff, but we have to have this layered. We have to have a metacognition of this to make sure that we're doing it in a healthy amount for ourselves, not only to fit our interests, but we, we, we solidify our own personality to the amount that we want for ourselves.

1:08:11 Like so we, you know, I think this kind of virtuous, it seems it's seen mostly across society, that someone that is the same person in all settings would be someone that's more of a again, it's one woman, more of a.

1:08:26 Someone that's more of a reliable, Right. And you, I think it would convey not necessarily they are, but would convey more of a trustworthiness if they're consistent. Right. And every time in every setting you see this person, they're consistent. I think that whether it be valid or invalid, I think it does automatically invoke greater trust. Sure, we love to build mental models and we love to have to seek certainty.

1:08:50 And that's what helps us do do that when someone is consistent in their behavior to us and the way they interact with us. Well, that's a narcissist. And people who have autism trend a very fine line of being very similar. I don't know if you've noticed that, but they they tend to be very similar in how that's why a lot of people can be like this autistic guy is he's so self-absorbed, he's this he said, he's this.

1:09:14 He said, but he's not really like it's it's a different way. As in, like a narcissist would be self-absorbed or. Right. There's an element of maliciousness with a narcissist, right? There's an element of I'm the best, I need everything. This is how it's going to go. And then for the autistic guy, it's like, I really like trains. Yeah, I want you to like, trains with me in their oblivious trains and cruises.

1:09:37 I feel like with autism, there's two paths you like trains or you like, you know, like sciency bullshit. This. Like this. I told her I was like, I got a family of neurodivergent. I'm like, I got the, My sister got the good at math, autism. My brother got the things, he knows everything onto them. And my mom got them move furniture at 3 a.m. ADHD.

1:10:00 And here's me with a little bit of all of it. So you got a buffet, and I got the. I can mimic things and make weird noises. So it's entertains me to know where I. I mean, I can mimic a voice after hearing it and it's, it's it's got me places, I guess. So I'll, I'll, I'll do a quick summary of what I took away from this conversation I think is like added a lot of value to like somebody I didn't think of before, I think really came out in this is this idea that this is a very human thing to do, right?

1:10:35 It's just a code switch. And and it's probably to a strong degree of survival mechanic in many ways. Oh, yeah, we learned that. We learned that it's a defense mechanism in lot of cases to to where you're actually protect yourself or you create yourself a greater layer of protection by being able to code, switch and read a situation in a moment's known as a layman.

1:10:55 So they will do it in a moment's notice. There could be a degree of like self-preservation and safety with the ability to do this. So it's not only a skill that can that you can use, but it might be a necessary skill. Yeah. Right across the board. And then lastly, if you can approach it with an actual degree of of some type of intent, you could probably raise the social value for everyone in the room by right, by trying to by trying to know understand this well and be able to invoke it and use it to to raise the bar in a positive way for everyone around me.

1:11:27 Sure. And and also at the same time, be able to keep an eye out for people that are trying to do the opposite and stop and stop and stall. I mean, I've got plenty of stories where I felt like I had to do that, especially in restaurant situations where there was a predatory owner or, you know, waiter. And I'm like, let me do an incisive social strike and kill you, you know?

1:11:50 And so socially, they didn't win. Maybe I was able to keep them from screwing every waitress for months or whatever. And I'll share one last funny story to talk about when you don't have the ability to code switch how if some some very hilarious can happen. I had just gotten back from overseas deployment. I hadn't seen my family, my everything for a long time.

1:12:15 I was a little bit emotionally, you know, shocked because coming into like, I didn't have TV or any kind of electronics or anything for like and all of a sudden I'm back in this wild America. Yeah. Like everything was going on. Okay. And I'm tying it back. It wasn't on Cox, but I was in an eye hop. You know, too bad it wasn't all Cox.

1:12:35 We always like it. We're just been a great. We've.

1:12:39 Oh. What's up? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to in gender. Ellen. Yes. So you guys can't see what we're seeing right now? She's about to run up the nose, so. Yeah. So she avoided a spit tape by it coming out of her nose. You almost lost me. Yeah, we always lost the mic. It's got a splash card game.

1:13:02 It's a. You put that up just for me. Yeah. No, that's the same sense to actually aim for you and saw an ass that wasn't he. Face it, to the most boisterous people. I don't know if I'm offended or please, that you understand us. You should be seen, I feel seen, I feel seen, feel neither. It's just a way.

1:13:22 And it just. It ended up on the desk. Yeah, but. So this is the I had the I didn't have the emotional control at the moment. Right. I was like so happy to see my family. I was emotionally overwhelmed. Right. And there's two parts of this. We come in. We come in off the plane in the hangar, and there's all these people, all of our family are there to greet us, right?

1:13:41 It's coming in straight out of the military, playing out of tarmac, coming into this big hangar. And there's like, banners up, Welcome home. And all the people's families there. And the music playing, it's like star spangled. Awesome. Your your father's through an eagle across the there, right? You're probably right. You know, your father sends an angel. They were sent to kneel.

1:14:00 They bring out the Jesus bacon win. Take 3000. Yeah. In all them. But there was a, you know, and we're being professional. And so we're like, all we want to do is just go to our families. We don't want any kind of bullshit, right? We just want to go in there. And of course, there's always the bullshit, because the military has to be so like we pomp and circumstance.

1:14:18 Clearly, I don't need America right now. Just please let me go, okay? Wait, wait, wait. Don't leave a fucking eagle. I don't need Jesus bacon. I just need, just need to go see my family. Right. So we march in and, like, march in, literally. And then, you know, the commands about, you know, left flank here, all this bullshit.

1:14:35 Yeah. Let me do it all. We look great, you know, polished and ready. Polish and ready. Ready. Your family. And then it's like a real talk dance. But but as we're as we're coming in. Yeah. Look at my little work, at my, you know, look at my, looking at my Boy Scout badges here. I got the kid.

1:14:51 Bad batch. Yeah. You guys can laugh about all you wanted, you know? So we're coming in. We're being insulting. I know we're coming. We're coming in. And, literally, there's this little girl in the front row, and my my, my oldest was just a baby at the time, right. So we're coming in, and there's this little girl, and she must be like, seven, six, seven, eight somewhere in there.

1:15:12 Wow. Right. And literally, she's so taken by the moment she sees her dad. All right. Comes in and she literally starts jumping up and down. She can't help herself. Everyone was clapping. And somebody that like, you know, whistling and cheering and stuff like that, she cannot control her emotions. And she literally starts jumping up and down or can't help herself.

1:15:30 She's jumping up and down. Right. And so yeah, that phrase jumping for joy, like, yeah, clicked in my mind. Like she was so joyful. She was literally jumping for joy. Right? Yeah. So we get in there and finally after like way too many people. Yeah, but not intellectual, but not intellectual. Yes. So all these things are happening and it's great.

1:15:54 And then this person's talking way too long. Of course, you know, as always. So anyway, we get released back in her family and it was this nice, you know, things nice. But, the idea again, the reason I'm the reason I'm telling this story is that, you know, the layers of what I'm talking about, layers of group dynamics.

1:16:11 Right? So that sets this thing up. And then I go back to my family, and my old man is like, just has a difficulty with some motion and stuff. And the first thing he says to me after seeing me for six months or longer was, was, you look stiff. No, my God, no shit. No shit. The first thing my father system it right.

1:16:29 It's like I can't. Marshal is like, you look kind of stiff. Talk about some tone deaf, cramped up on a fucking C-130 for the real grandpa. Yeah, no shit, man. Right. Group dynamic here. What's everybody else doing? They're not saying you look stiff. They're saying I love you, right? Right. You know, maybe that was how he said I love you.

1:16:48 You look stiff, son. Everyone has their own language, right? You need a massage? Let me take you to the massage parlor. Or son. Happy endings all around. It's got weird, so I know. Why does he have. It is so weird. I was good at that. I'm good as I'm trying to, like, really set the stage here. I'm. I'm listening.

1:17:05 I'm. I'm. I'm okay. We're gonna pretend I didn't say that. Go for it. Mulligan. He's doing. Yeah, yeah, I get a read. Deer noise. Gate 3000.

1:17:16 So, anyway, we we we spent the night, and, you know, my my daughter was, conceived. Yeah, I anyway. Oh, that's that's cool. We, That's awesome. And and anyway, I'm so happy to be home. Yeah.

1:17:33 Blindfold and a cigarette. Oh, man. Man, they. Stewie finest. Yeah, yeah, it's. Anyway, so, you know, the next day or second day or whatever after being home and whatnot, and, like, you know, so over so happy to be home, blah, blah, blah. And we're in the I hop, not in the gospel hop. And we're sitting there talking and it's like just relaxing moment, you know, it's like sort of client relaxing.

1:18:00 And, I'm sitting there and I'm like, just really not fully in control of my emotions. Yeah. So they're too much, too much going on. Right. And so anyway, because, oh, not on top of that. It's like also dealing with now the, all the stuff you need to deal with by being home. Like you're, you're going from soldier to civilian.

1:18:18 Yeah. Well, I can't even imagine you're still. Yeah. You're not like on leave or anything, but you have some time. You're some time with your family, but it's like you're reorienting to your family dynamic. And it's so much going on because these people have changed out from under you. 100 people are different. So. Right. So it's like the equalizer of your life is all not where, you know, you're your whole equalizer board is kind of you have to return the dials there.

1:18:42 Well, you kind of have to relearn all your relationships and all this stuff just for being gone for six months and in a completely different environment paradigm. So of course there's a lot happening in your emotions, right? Yeah. And so in this case, my ability to do this code switching and handle group dynamics are probably was a little bit off sugar or a little bit lower.

1:19:01 My ability was a little lower then and so not functioning. So we're seeing that for it. And pancakes or something you know go figure. And we're just having this normal conversation. We're trying to keep it low and calm and just relaxed and chill. Yeah. And there's two ladies, senior across from us. Right. And, they're talking and one of them says, you know, and they just recently sat down.

1:19:23 So it was like, okay, there's another and they're across the aisle. They're a little bit away. So we still had our privacy, but they, you know, across the little box there. And no, the one was like, yeah, you know Gerald just got a new truck or something about her husband's like new truck, right? It's like, yeah, it was an F-150 and it's got a truck.

1:19:42 Nuts. Yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, the ladies she's talking to write. What kind of payments did he get on that thing?

1:19:53 Didn't he. Lost it didn't. Dear me. Got it. You got it. We're normally I'd be able to control myself. The last year, a deployment just bubbled up and came out in a fit of jovial laughter. Oh, yeah. Not in me. It started off as this thing. Like, I think you recognize this thing. It started off as how my ginger ale almost came out.

1:20:15 And now I like to call that the giggle loop. You get. It starts and it keeps building and it's this loop and you get stuck in it and eventually it erupts. Built it, built an explosion. Yes. I crossed my arms and put my head down in my arms and I'm I'm, I'm I'm feeling that clay laughing, shaking. Right, right.

1:20:33 And they didn't hear that. Even that look. Yeah. They and and my wife. The time is Tracy. She's like stop. That just makes it worse. Oh, it made it so much fun. You could have just pretended you were crying because they're so. Oh, I'm crying. I'm not laughing. Right. And I'm like. I'm like, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

1:20:55 Right? Yeah. She's like, yeah, yeah. And it's got like, you know, it's all decked out. It's got all the churning and stuff like that. Right. She came out, I was like, you're coming over Sunday.

1:21:05 Oh oh my God. So like that when the kids you get exactly go. What's happening. Right. And so this lady is having a completely like, normal conversation. Right. And that was made it so fucking hilarious. Like, because it wasn't just like, I don't like match with this up voice thing, you know, it's like the cancer is killing me.

1:21:31 It wasn't like what you'd expect. It was just it was just like, you know. Oh, and so, you know, after how was this it seeing you and and I'm going to go have a smoke. Yeah. Rates go up. It was a completely casual, frank conversation, like two people would have normally kind of payment. You get on that. Yes.

1:21:50 That's it. That's what first baby lose it. When she said that, what kind of payments have you have on it. Right. And so Oh my god. So so I, I start, I start full sail laughing. Right. And, and I can't help and and my, my wife at the time, that's my ex-wife now. But my wife at the time was like.

1:22:07 I mean, she felt more defined like like she was, she was so profoundly embarrassed. And I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I couldn't contain myself. So finally I got up and went to the bathroom and was like splashing fucking cold water in my face. I'm like, what am I gonna do? Am I like smacking myself in the face?

1:22:27 Like, calm down, stop. Don't you gotta get out of there. Yeah, you gotta kill the giggles. I'm in the bathroom. I'm laughing in the bathroom. I can't stop laughing. Splashing water on my face, doing everything I could think of, right? And I was like, I don't know what I gotta do. I don't know what I'm going to do.

1:22:42 Right? So I go back to the table and I'm like, I'm a fucking adult. I can handle this. Like, I was totally wrong. She started talking again. I started when she looked at you and said, thank you for your service. That's that's that's how I got kicked out. I hop right and for life the first time. Yeah. So.

1:23:00 So if she had good emotional dynamic. Right. This lady, that's exactly what she would have said. Yeah. Totally. Totally. And just about you and then. And then gone out and smoke went through her. Still not. Yeah, exactly. Hell, she she would have done a trio. Just wrapped the three and shoved him in the hole to the.

1:23:22 And saying it in the trope like way like people using them less like as an insult. Yeah. Yeah. So so that was very story about Drew's Adam. My story about not being able to properly manage a group of me because of an emotional right like that, like being an emotional state. So it's definitely part of an emotional human emotional intelligence to be able to do this and do this properly.

1:23:44 Absolutely. It's like handling toddlers. You got to have a level of emotional intelligence to handle that group, but you got more than one, right? Because there's the interplay between the two of them. There's okay. And also like between each of you. Yes. I would like to play this audio box.

1:24:04 He found his grandma's, you know, little boy. This he is for her stoma, her cancer and just started singing with it. Nice play. We'll put a link to that in our extra content. That's okay. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. So bad. All I can think of as a guy from South Park. But are you guys doing.

1:24:26 It's coming right for us. It's coming. Rain. Oh, yeah. It's in. The fact that he was a serviceman ties into this whole thing. It's great because these emotional moments in our lives are always stick with us. They're always stay in our memories. And the diversity of the memory as well. So, like the way that Tracy will always remember this is as nightmare like she was horrified.

1:24:52 Embarrassing moment. Correct. That way I will always remember it is just fucking hilarious. Like unbridled like I, I got so much out in that day like that was that was medicine for me. I got so much emotion out that day. My stomach hurt for days. My cheeks hurt from lacking early, from smiling and laughing. So you, like, pulled all your abs alive?

1:25:13 Dude, I, I, you know, just like guttural, deep, guttural laughing and like, you literally your abs feel it later. Yeah. It was, it was that like for more than a day. That's awesome. Because I was just heaving, laughing, uncontrollable convulsions. My, What a good way to come home. Yeah. If you're gonna come home that way, that's it.

1:25:34 That's the way to do it. So thank you, guys, for having the emotional intelligence to allow me to share that story. There. There we go. Well, should we ended on that note, it's been two way to have or sure, we should end on that note. All right. And so so it was her. Always enjoy having you in our group dynamic as it always adds value.

1:25:49 Appreciate you. You tell us. Yes we should do it again.